Maybe This Time Book II
Chapter One
Rating: Adults Only
Category: Fanfiction
Pairing: Brian Kinney, Justin Taylor
Genres: Angst, AU, POV, Drama, Romance
Warnings: OOC
Summary: After Brian is seriously injured, Justin is forced to take control of his recovery.
Disclaimer: All characters and situations from Queer as Folk are properties of Russell T. Davies, Ron Cowen and Daniel Lipman, Showtime, and others. No copyright infringement is intended. This story is rated by the author and not by any independent body.
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July 2003
The color drained from Harry’s face. “Jus, lets go. Something’s wrong.” Harry took Justin’s hand.
“I want to stay, Harry; I’m not in a hurry to go back,” Justin protested.
“Now, Jus, we have to go back, now,” Harry persisted.
“Why?”
“I just have a bad feeling and I think we should head back.” Harry was white. The fear that he heard in Frank’s voice, he had never heard before. Fuck forgetting their cells. He had tried Harry’s cell and gotten no answer, Brian’s? He punched in the number and it went to message bank. Fuck, he repeated. The looming feeling was not going away but getting stronger. He rang the office. “Harry again, I’m trying to track down Frank.”
Harry listened to the girl on the other end and turned sheet white. “We’re about forty five minutes away; we’ll drive past the scene first.”
Justin knew something had happened by the look on Harry’s face. He didn’t object when Harry just took his hand. They sat in silence.
He glanced at the clock after they had been driving for thirty minutes. “Is it far?” Justin asked.
“About ten minutes.”
“Where are we going?”
“To the court house.”
Justin was afraid.
“Is Amos there?” Harry asked.
Justin sat up straighter in the seat. “Why?”
“I need him, please, Jus?”
Harry’s voice was pleading.
“I’ll call him.” Justin didn’t fuss.
Justin closed his eyes.
*Amos, I need you.*
*Something goes wrong and its good ole Amos to the rescue.*
*I don’t know what’s happening but something is wrong.*
*What are you talking about, Jus, I am so angry with you,* Amos growled.
*Harry wants you, now.*
Amos stopped bitching, he had been locked in there for hours and he had prepared every snide remark he was going to make. He was furious with Justin for his childish attempts to keep him locked away.
*AMOS, HARRY WANTS YOU, NOW,* Justin yelled to get his attention.
Amos was jolted back into reality. *Okay, did he say what it’s about?*
*He’s sheet white and not talking.*
Now Amos was scared.
Amos opened his eyes. “What’s wrong?”
“I just spoke to the office. Brian and Frank went to the courthouse. Craig was testifying against the person who did the shooting at the house. I rang Frank and all I heard was that he'd lost Brian, and then the cell went dead. There was another shooting. Apparently Craig was hit in the chest and Brian was hit in the head.”
“Is he alive….?” Amos was scared.
“He was earlier at the scene but the office doesn’t know anymore. They needed four ambulances, so whoever was worse, would go first, We’re going to the courthouse first then, if he isn’t there we’ll go to the hospital. I haven’t told Justin, I didn’t know how.”
“How far away are we?”
“A few minutes,” Harry said softly.
Harry pulled the car into the gutter. He could see Frank’s car a few cars in front. There were police everywhere. The two men leapt from the car and ran towards the stairs. The area was cordoned off. They could see over the barricade that there were two bodies covered over completely. Amos’s thought he felt his heart stop. Harry motioned to the detective who was walking towards them and showed him his identification. “I was told my employer was one of the victims, Brian Kinney? Can you tell me who we talk to, to find out about his condition?”
The detective looked solemn.
He’s dead thought Amos, fuck. He could hear Justin already crying. The tears were starting to fall. He held his breath.
“He was taken to the hospital in the first ambulance,” the detective replied.
“Was his bodyguard injured?” Harry asked.
“No, he went with him.”
“Thanks, Craig Taylor, did they transfer him to the same hospital as well?” Harry asked.
“We’re trying to contact his son, he didn’t make it.”
Harry looked at Amos who didn’t react at all.
“This is his son, Justin Taylor."
“I’m sorry about your father,” Amos just nodded and said “Let’s go.”
***
Harry went to reception to ask about Brian’s condition. He spoke to several people before he made his way back to Amos.
“He’s in surgery; they said it will be a while. The bullet is lodged in his brain and they are trying to get it out. That’s all they know. They told us to wait in Room W3 and the doctor will come in when it’s over.”
Amos nodded.
Harry pushed open the door and saw Frank slumped over in a chair in the corner. When he saw them, he jumped up and lunged at Amos. “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry. I couldn’t get to him in time. I’m so sorry.”
Harry helped Frank back to his seat. “Come on, Frank, sit down, we’ll wait together.”
He sat Frank back down and motioned to Amos. “Is Justin okay?”
Amos shook his head. “Do you want to make calls for me?”
Harry nodded. “Frank, do you have Brian’s cell?”
Frank pulled the tiny phone from his pocket and handed it to Harry.
“Ring Cynthia and Ted and Michael and Lindsay and call Franklin, Frank doesn’t look in very good shape.”
Harry nodded. Amos walked over to Frank and took him by the hand. “Come and sit with me, Frank.”
Frank just did as he was told. He looked like he was in a fog. He sat on the sofa next to Amos and hugged him in close.
*What’s happening?* Justin demanded.
*We don’t know anything yet.*
*How long will he be in surgery for?*
*We have to wait, there is no information. Do you want to wait out or in?*
*I’ll stay here, just tell me what’s going on?*
*Jus, you can watch from there, you will know as soon as I know.*
*Okay, okay.*
Harry came back. I called everyone. Michael is coming straight here. Franklin had to finish his session, but he won’t be long. Lindsay was shocked and will get here as soon as she can and Ted and Cynthia should be here soon.”
*Amos, I need to make a call.*
Amos nodded.
“Give me the cell, Harry,” Justin dialed. “William, there’s been another shooting. Brian is in surgery, we don’t know if he will make it. Have the papers drawn up to overturn my grandfather’s instructions. Mom has committed herself so you will need to get Grieves signature, he can sign on her behalf. The papers should already be prepared. I don’t care if you know about the inclusion or not, find out about it because it exists. Brian will not be signing anything for a while and Farnsworth’s can’t grind to a halt. Cynthia and I will be at General until we hear about Brian. Grieves will be at the house. No, don’t tell my mother, she has enough to think about. The papers must be signed tonight. Thanks William, I’m praying for that too. Bye.” Justin closed the cell. He looked at Harry. “You okay?”
Harry nodded. “I should be saying that to you.”
“I fought with him Harry, I didn’t even say goodbye this morning. He could die, thinking I didn’t love him.”
“Brian knows you love him, Jus.”
Frank was muttering, “It’s my fault, it’s all my fault.” Justin sat on his knee and put his arms around him.
“It's no one’s fault, it just happened,” Justin held him tight.
“I tried, Jus, but I couldn’t get to him in time, I tried really I tried,” Frank cried.
“I know you did, Frank, Brian cares about you. He wouldn’t want you to blame yourself.”
Nothing Justin said made any difference to Frank. Brian’s safety had been entrusted to him and now Brian was hurt and Frank felt responsible. There was no doubt in Justin’s mind that if Frank could have traded places with Brian he would’ve in a heart beat.
Michael walked past the waiting room on his way to enquiries. Harry saw him pass, jumped up and went after him. Justin could see them talking in the hall. Mikey’s face was stained with tears. He came in, nodded to Justin and sat down next to Frank. Frank looked up and Mikey held out his arms to him. They both cried together, holding each other, joined by fear and sadness.
Franklin slipped in and put his hand on Harry’s shoulder, then stepped towards Justin and was motioned away with a stern, “I’m fine.”
Franklin nodded and stayed close to Harry.
Cynthia flew in to Justin’s arms and sobbed. Justin knew she just needed to be held. As Ted entered the room. And walked towards Justin, he turned her around and put her in Ted’s arms. Lindsay and Melanie slipped in quietly and sat on the sofa too. Mel was doing her best to comfort Lindsay, who was in a similar condition to Cyn.
Justin walked outside. He needed air. He was glad all these people loved Brian enough to be here, but he couldn’t stay in there any longer. He looked down the corridor and saw William hurrying towards him.
“William, what are you doing here?”
“You were right Justin; the papers were there, how did you know?”
“My grandfather told me, but I thought they would be needed for very different reasons to this.”
“How is he?”
“Still in surgery, we just have to wait.”
“I’ll be back for your signature, I’ll get Cynthia’s first,” William went into the waiting room.
A doctor in scrubs approached the room. Justin was standing just outside. “Is there any word on Brian Kinney?” Justin moved towards him.
“Are you a family member?” The doctor asked.
“I’m his partner, Justin Taylor.”
“I’m sorry; I can only give information of that nature to a blood relative. I’m sorry, I don’t make the rules.” The doctor went to walk away as William appeared from behind Justin.
“I’m sorry, did I understand you correctly. You are unable to give Mr. Taylor information about his partner.”
The doctor looked ready to settle in to the disagreement. “I don’t make the rules, I’m sorry.”
“Then we have a problem, young man, I suggest you get the administrator in here. Last time I looked, 70% of this hospital was owned by Farnsworth Industries.”
“So, what does that have anything to do with?” The doctor was getting flustered.
“Justin owns Farnsworth Industries, so I suggest young man you start talking.”
The doctor was startled but began talking almost immediately. “The bullet was very difficult to remove and there is a high risk that some of the areas in the brain may have been damaged when we removed it. Until the swelling reduces we will have no idea whether the surgery has been worth the risk. Mr. Kinney is resting but still hasn’t stabilized. Once he stabilizes, we will be able to give you an indication if he will survive.”
“So give me the range of possibilities,” Justin asked.
“If he survives, he could recover with only partial memory and motor skills or he could have total permanent memory loss and extensive physical impediments. It’s possible that he won’t be able to move. Of course that is the range of possibilities.”
“So even the best case scenario, he will have some permanent memory loss.”
“I’m sorry. The bullet destroyed tissue as it passed through. The bulk of the damage was in the area that it lodged. You will need to excuse me; I need to get back to my patient.”
Justin nodded as the doctor walked away. The tears filled up in his eyes until it was like a dam overflowing. Harry had come out and was standing next to William and Justin.
“I’ll let everyone know what the doctor said,” William said to Harry.
Harry took Justin is his arms and let him cry. He wondered if it was possible for Justin to cry anymore. Two hours later, a nurse told them Brian had stabilized and had been moved to a private room. Harry knew that William had been responsible for the hospital's new approach. There was no doubt in Harry’s mind that Brian had just become their most valued patient.
As the word came that Brian had survived the surgery, Justin sent their concerned friends home one at a time. He needed to just be with Brian. He needed to beg Brian to forgive him. Just to sit with him and hold him again. Just touch him, he missed him. The girls and Ted went first, then Mikey took Frank back to his place. Harry called the office and a fresh guard was placed at Brian’s door. Justin decided that he wanted to keep the surveillance. Justin was at Brian’s bedside. Harry was waiting in the chair in the corner. Franklin looked at Harry. He was exhausted. He motioned for him to come outside.
“The new guard is here, you need a break, come with me for a while and rest.”
Harry shook him off. “No, I’ll stay with Justin; I can sleep in the chair.”
“Harry, you are no good to him, exhausted.”
Harry kissed Franklin and smiled. “You go, I’m staying with Justin, and I’ll see you tomorrow.”
Franklin could see Harry’s resolve. He looked through the small window in the door. Justin was holding Brian’s hand. Harry walked up to Justin and motioned for him to move. He sat down and dragged the small blond man onto his lap. Justin leaned forward and took Brian’s hand again. Harry closed his eyes to rest.
***
*He feels so cold.*
*And clammy.*
*Why is this happening, Amos?*
*Nobody knows the answers to those sorts of questions, Jus.*
*Are you still angry with me?* Justin asked gingerly.
*What were you thinking?*
*If I kept you trapped inside, you couldn’t leave me.*
Amos shook his head.
*I didn’t want to lose you and now I’m going to lose Brian too.* Justin cried.
*You won’t lose Brian. He is a fighter and he loves you, Jus. He’ll find his way back.*
*I didn’t even say goodbye to him this morning.*
*You were being a brat, Jus.*
*I didn’t know what else to do. You and Brian don’t understand. I’ve lost everything and now you want me to lose you too.*
*Who said you are going to lose me?*
*You did, you said Dr Gage said you should go.*
*As usual, you don’t listen. I said that when you were strong enough, you and I would merge together. I am a splinter of you. I’m not supposed to be separate, Jus and neither are you. We are supposed to be together. All of our strengths combine into one remarkable human being. What the fuck is wrong with that? You and I aren’t losing a goddamn thing. The one who is losing is lying in front of us. He signed on for two and is ending up with one. You have been so angry with him and you had me locked up. Did you ask him if he will still want us, if we are only one?*
Justin was shocked. He hadn’t looked at it that way. Now it was worse. Not only had he pushed Brian away this morning but maybe Brian wouldn’t even want him any more.
*Jus, we need to talk about Craig.*
*Why?*
*Did you hear what that detective said?*
*The one who said he was dead.*
*I wasn’t sure you heard.*
*I didn’t care about him, I was worried about Brian.*
*Same here, but you did hear. What do you think about that?*
*I think he finally got what he deserved.*
*I thought the same.*
Justin heard a commotion from outside Brian’s door. Harry was fast asleep. He maneuvered himself off Harry’s lap and went to see what was happening. He opened the door and stepped out into the hall.
He looked at Adam. “What’s going on?”
“These gentlemen are with the police department and they want to see Brian.” Adam said.
“I’m sorry; Brian has just come back from surgery and hasn’t woken up yet.” Justin said.
“You’re Justin Taylor, aren’t you?” The youngest detective asked.
“Yes, how can I help you?”
“I’m sorry for the loss of your father this afternoon,” the detective apologized.
“Believe me, Detective, it’s no loss. My father and I had been estranged for thirteen years and had only recently come into my life again. Sadly, his motivation wasn’t love but a financial one.”
The detective’s looked puzzled.
“He came back and tried to shake me down for my money and when he realized he couldn’t, he tried to have me proven insane. I don’t think many people will be crying at his funeral.” Justin wasn’t sad, just disgusted. Probably, he would have to bury him, who else would do it?
“It looks like a professional hit. We think the man he was about to give evidence about arranged it. He has a few investigations into his activities pending at the moment. Your father was going to fill in some blanks for us.
“Was there anything else, Detective, I need to get back?”
“Please contact us when Mr. Kinney regains consciousness.”
“Have you spoken to Frank, he was there too?”
“The bodyguard? Yes, he furnished the information about the shooter. Thank you, Mr. Taylor, please keep in touch.”
Justin nodded to the detectives and went back in. Harry was awake.
“Hey, is he still the same?” Justin asked.
Harry nodded. They both looked at Brian. He was linked up to so many machines. Justin could feel the tears start to fall. Harry pulled him close and tried to brush the tears away. They were falling too fast. Harry kissed his forehead gently as Justin wound his arms around his waist. He wasn’t sure what to do to help Justin. He was devastated and Harry felt helpless.
“Hey, hey.” Harry whispered. “He’ll be okay, I know he’ll be okay.” Harry voice tried to calm him. His lips were still in contact with Justin’s forehead as he spoke.
Justin tilted his head up and their lips met, as both of them found comfort in the other's touch. Harry pulled Justin in closer as they hungrily devoured each other.
Suddenly Harry pulled back. “I need to make some calls to Franklin and Frank. I’m worried about Frank, he isn’t dealing with this well. As a guard, the worst thing that can happen is to lose your charge.”
“Where is he?” Justin asked.
“Michael was taking him to his place but I’m not sure now, so that’s why I need to call.”
Justin nodded.
“I’ll be back.” Harry kissed Justin on the forehead and left.
Justin sat back down next to Brian and took his hand. He felt so cold. The tears were welling in the corners of his eyes again.
*He feels cold.* Amos said
Justin nodded.
*Has anyone said anything?*
Justin shook his head. *He’s not going to make it, Amos.*
*You don’t know that, Jus.*
*They said that he may not be able to move.*
*Will that stop you from loving him?*
*Of course not, but Brian wouldn’t want to live that way. They said he won’t be the same, they just don’t know how bad yet.*
*Then we will love him more, Jus. You will need to be strong, Jus, for Brian. He can’t wake up and see you like this.*
*Will he wake up, Amos? Tell me he’ll be okay?*
*I can’t do that, he’s pretty bad.*
*I know, I want Brian to come back to me, I need him.*
*From now on, Jus, you have to stop being selfish, stop thinking about what you need. From now on, Brian's needs must come first and he needs you.*
Justin thought about what Amos had said. He wanted Brian to get better more than anything else. He looked at the debilitated man lying in the bed in front of him. He was pallid. His beautiful hazel eyes closed, bandages covering his head. His chestnut hair shaved for the operation. He looked frail. The machines continued their steady beep, beep, beep, the only sound in the room aside from Justin’s sobs.
***
Frank walked aimlessly toward Harry.
“Has there been any change?” He asked.
Harry put his arm around Frank’s shoulders. “Let’s sit in the lounge.”
“Has something happened?” Frank was immediately alarmed.
Harry shook his head. “No, sorry, he’s still the same. You don’t look too steady on your feet though.”
Frank nodded and they sat down.
“Can you talk about it?” Harry asked.
“I guess. I was talking to you on the phone when I realized that Brian must have seen Craig and jumped out of the car to get to him. I couldn’t get across the street through the traffic fast enough. Just as I reached Brian, I heard the shots. We all hit the deck and I looked up and saw the flashes. There was a lot of screaming and confusion and Brian didn’t move. I thought he must have hit his head and was unconscious, then I saw the blood. If I had been next to him, maybe….”
Harry interrupted. “Maybe you would have been dead to.”
“I don’t care about that, Brian trusted me to take care of him, Harry and I let him down. He’s lying there because I let him down.”
“Frank, stop this, it’s not going to help anyone, particularly Brian. It’s going to be a hard road ahead. Justin isn’t coping very well. He is going to need our support.” Harry grabbed Frank by the shoulders. “Are you listening to me, Frank?”
“Okay, I’m listening.”
“Now pull yourself together and go see Brian, Justin needs you.”
Frank nodded as he walked towards Brian’s room.
Harry sighed. He hated being harsh with Frank and understood where Frank was coming from. If anything happened to Justin, he wasn’t sure he could be as brave as Frank. He opened his cell and dialed.
“Were you asleep?” he asked.
“Are you okay? Has there been any change?”
“No, he’s still the same. I need to see you.”
“I’m at the clinic now, its only five minutes walk, come now.”
“I won’t be long,” Harry smiled. Just hearing Franklin’s voice made him feel better. He walked back in and whispered to Jus that he would come back. “Ring me if anything happens, Jus.”
Justin nodded.